So today my entire goal was to just get my butt in gear and get a run in. I have the day off, and Clair was going to be in preschool, so I really had no excuse to hit the road. While dropping Clair off the middle school kids were doing a run. It brought back so many memories, and made me contemplate so many things during my run today. Which leads me to honesty. Maybe more of just expressing feelings, thoughts, etc.
I am a fat girl. I will never be size 0, 2, or 4. If I am....be concerned, very concerned. If I am that small I am not healthy. I will never weigh 110 pounds. My bones probably alone weigh that much! Add in the organs, muscles, skin and other essential body parts then I will still be "overweight" by societies standards. All I want is to be healthy, and lead a good example for my daughter.
I watched the kids run, what made me start thinking was watching a larger girl try so hard. Then there were two other girls talking and they looked at each other and said "oh we do not have to go that way, no one will know." And they cut off part of the run. I watched the other girl look at them and continue going, continue to try her hardest. I know the feeling of trying so hard, and then seeing it come so easy for others, or watch others that do not try, or even cheat and then want to give up...but can not.
So while thinking about that, I began thinking about some of the looks I get. The looks I get from people in their cars. Usually it is one of "that is a big girl" and all I can think of is at least I am out here, I am getting exercise. Or worse yet the people that see me while I am doing a cool down and give me the look of she should be working harder, and not knowing that I just finished three or four miles. Life as a big girl sucks. But I am tired of trying to be skinny, and if it means I have to spend my life eating foods I hate then I do not want it.
My run felt good. I felt like I was shedding away feelings today. That I knew I was trying my hardest, and that even though it was hard I kept going. Plus I wore Erics running tights today, and it felt like he was hugging my butt the whole run! Or at least like he was with me :) The Turkey Trot is on Thursday, only 2 days. Four miles.....hopefully the weather stays beautiful!!!!